you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
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the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
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Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
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