Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
send nudes
from the living room?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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