Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
