I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
