just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
