So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
