How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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