the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
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stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
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Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
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