My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
