we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
