He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Randomize
