Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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