I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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