my phone cant type all the emotion im having
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
