she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
COCAINE IS GR8
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
