i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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