since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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