I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
