I just pynch a tree in the face
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
