I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
