Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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