last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
