His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
