she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
