now i know why i became what i already was.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
