Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
