Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
