dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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