I hope mine doesn't look like that
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
