@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Man, jail baloney is awful.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
