I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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