Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
