i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
