im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
