saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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