I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
