On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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