no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Sext me about skeletons
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
