piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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