Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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