I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
