Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
