I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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