Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
