I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
