I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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