I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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