I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
