Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
