there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
