we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
home. puking in laundry basket.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
