There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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