Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
