AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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