Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I need to sanitize my soul.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
