I cockslap morals
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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