Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
