problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
