I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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