i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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