you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
