I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
