I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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