Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
